One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.
Conversations are important for the job hunter. They are key when you are in networking and in the job interview to start with. Your conversation skills are part of how people will judge you.
The Benefits of Pausing
- You avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing.
- You show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity.
- You will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.
Ask Questions
Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, “How do you mean, exactly?”
This is the most powerful question I’ve ever learned for controlling a conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, “How do you mean?” the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversation rolling along.
Brian doesn’t say it, but there is something else that happens. People love to talk about themselves. The more they talk about themselves, the more they feel like you are a great listener and that you are smart.
Paraphrase the Speaker’s Words
The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker’s words in your own words. After you’ve nodded and smiled, you can then say, “Let me see if I’ve got this right. What you’re saying is . . .”
Very key. Sometimes people accidentally use the wrong words or you can think that one thing is more important than another thing. By paraphrasing their words, you get around this problem,
Demonstrate Attentiveness
Paraphrasing the speaker’s words, is one way you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practice effective listening, other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence.
Listening Builds Trust
The reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and skill of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.
Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase.
Listening Develops Discipline
Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on another person’s words. If you do not practice self-discipline in conversation, your mind will wander in a hundred different directions. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is.
Second, continually ask, “How do you mean?” in response to anything that is not perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.
I would like to add another. Go out and make a few calls to people in your industry at your level. The point of the calls is to test each of the methods and to introduce yourself. The excuse you should use is that you want to find out about the company they work for. What its like.
Remember – the first time you use them – it will feel awkward, that is normal when learning a new skill. But, you will get used to it.
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These 21 Job Hunter Success Tips have been adapted from articles by Brian Tracy.
Brian Tracy has over 40 books, CDs, and DVDs to help you meet your personal and professional goals and dreams.
I strongly recommend you listen to one of his CDs.
Start small with a onbe of the free 21 Success Secrets CD available from Brian Tracy.
There is a wide selection of free CDs available including:
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